everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
