Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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