I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
