they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
