My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's rum buckets o'clock
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
