Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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