apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
