my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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