Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize