i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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