i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
