Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
