a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
