everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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