before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
