It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
