Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize