I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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