ugly people sure do ruin things
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
