you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
