I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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