Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize