he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
