Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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