Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
