Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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