The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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