If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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