I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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