Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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