I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
