DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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