just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
