So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
