Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
