He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
