She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
