Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
