3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
