man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
