Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
