I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
