and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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