He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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