I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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