her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
