You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
