The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize