well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
