Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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