Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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