So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize