Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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