Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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