He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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