I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
