Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize