break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
40s are totally the cure
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
