You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
