3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You smell like stripper and shame
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
