I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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