Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it's great music for shaving your balls
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
