We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
