I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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