a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
tonight lets celebrate not being married
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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