If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
