I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
