This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
