He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
